It’s here! Halloween through Easter is open candy season, which means that there are bags of candy around, and if you open them they may get eaten. Maybe a bag will be obliterated during a commercial break or while you think you are asleep at night. Even if you don’t want any it will find you. At home, at work, at your Aunt Mildred’s house. If you have kids it will be at school parties, at trick-or-treating, and in their stockings.

When I was little I remember seasonal treats, like candy corn at Halloween, candy canes at Christmas, and Valentine’s conversation hearts traded at school.  But now I’m noticing the same cheap candy at the store every holiday, just repackaged with different colors on the bag. Aisles of it. Ginormous bags the size of dog food sacks. Everything is so redundant and unremarkable; it’s just not special anymore. There is only one season and it tastes blah. But yet I keep partaking.

Typical store offerings encourage quantity, not quality. The food is sweet, cheap and accessible, but doesn’t really add much joy to the celebration or gatherings.  I doubt I am creating lasting memories of the holidays for my kids with these small “chocolate” bars sitting around the house, or plastic eggs brimming with fruity gummies in their Easter baskets.  What they really ask for are holiday activities, and if they want food it is always something we make together or eat around the table with family. No one ever puts “cheap-ass candy”* on their wish list to Santa.

I told my son that if he really cared about a girl he shouldn’t buy her Russell Stover anything, ever. He was hesitant when he showed me what his girlfriend that year got him for Valentine’s Day. Yup, a Russell Stover heart. It sat in our pantry with its lineup of lonely pink and orangey crème middles, only a few bites nibbled off. They broke up not long after. The heart box and its contents eventually got thrown away–it just wasn’t meant to be.

True love deserves better candy.

And maybe I should remove these disappointing holiday candy bags from my nightstand. The Hubs put them there with the intention of hiding them from the kids until Halloween for the trick or treaters.  Then he had the balls to open one of the bags. It was all over after that.

(For us not eating the candy, not for my marriage, although he did buy some cheap-ass candy*. BUT, if he shows up with those lame Palmer peanut butter pumpkins after these are gone, I might be gone. Thankfully, he knows me better than that!)

*Cheap-ass candy should not be confused with cheap ass-candy, which may actually be on some Christmas wish lists, not that I would know or anything.

Bonus! Emoji Charades, candy style!

Guess the candy name

1. 🍒💣
2. 🌌
3. 😆
4. 👆🏽
5. 🤷🏽‍♀️📞
6. 👴🏼🎸 or 🍾💎💎💎
7. 💼🐱
8. 💪🏾
9. 👩🏽👩🏼💋
10. 🍔🍔
11. ☄️
12. 🤓🤓🤓
13. 🤣👨‍🌾
14. 💵📆
15. 🍬🌽
16. 🍼🎓🎓
17. 🔴🌿
18. 🔴🔥
19. 🗣🛑

20. 💨👤

Answers

1. Cherry Bomb
2. Milky Way
3. Snickers
4. U-no
5. Whatchamacallit
6. Pop Rocks
7. KitKat
8. Big Hunk
9. Hershey Kiss
10. Whoppers
11. (Atomic) Fire Ball
12. Nerds OR Smarties
13. Jolly Rancher
14. PayDay
15. Candy Corn
16. Bottle Caps
17. Red Vines
18. Red Hots
19. Gobstoppers
20. Air Heads