Sitting in a hammock, slowly rocking beneath rustling leaves. Feeling warm sand squish between my toes. Napping with my kids on the big couch after binge watching comedies. Eating lunch at a noodle shop and running the track with my sister. These all sound like good ways to spend an afternoon.

My days off are usually packed with appointments and grocery shopping and housework and homework. It’s summer now, and I want to squeeze every bit of sunshine and joy out of my days. My kids haven’t been off school for a week and I am already finding ways to not clean, excuses to not cook the food I’ve bought, and reasons to generally slack about my house wearing no bra and cut off sweat shorts.

Days come and go without a feeling of doing what I really want to. Either I feel guilty about unaccomplished burdensome tasks, or I feel a loss over not doing all the great, fun, exciting, relaxing, or productive things I tell myself I’m going to. The summer is short, and so is life.  I recently lost a beloved Auntie, and I think about what she was doing in her last days, and if she was content.

If you were to ask me how I would want to spend my last living days, they would include the following:

1. People I love
2. Laughter
3. Good food
4. Good conversation
5. Moments of flow
6. Flights of creativity
7. Reflection
8. Comfort

Occasionally I will have a really awesome day, where the burdens of worry seem to be locked away in a dungeon and I am never caught looking over my shoulder. I get swept up in doing, in being. I get focused on who I’m with and not where I’m supposed to be going or prepping for the next item on the docket. More days should be awesome days.