I spent a lot of money this weekend on myself and my family. About $450 is gone and it’s only the wee hours of Sunday so far. I went crazy over-budget with food and entertainment. We blew $40 on pepperoni and bacon at the local butcher shop alone. BACON, people, should not cost more than a tank of gas or a co-pay at the doctor’s office.  Then we went on to hit golf balls and sip cold drinks to the tune of $200 at the fancy pants driving range. This is all after rushing the gourmet sandwich shop, the all-you-can-eat sushi buffet, and loading the grocery cart Friday night with 5 different kinds of ice cream (did you know they have a Twinkie flavored kind now?).

I think we overindulged a bit, and my bank account and waistband are feeling it now. So why did I let this happen? In a nutshell I have confused a treat with a reward.  In my opinion, a treat is a rarity that is pleasantly enjoyed without expectation. A reward is something you get for putting in effort, so the more you work the more you potentially get, and the getting has no bounds so long as you pay your dues.

I’ve been rationalizing the gifting of expensive, unnecessary things to myself for working so hard. The Hubs and I have been on the chain gang all week, missing our kids, and the easy way to make it okay is to blow all that hard-earned money on bullshit, right?

WRONG!

Did we have fun? Yes. Was it $450 worth of fun? Hells no.  I can think of a million other things that feel just as worthy but cost slim to none.

If I feel the need to treat myself, I can enjoy these truly indulgent things:

1. A long, hot shower
2. A late night with a book I’ve been wanting to read
3. A picnic at the park with my kids
4. A batch of homemade cookies
5. A nap

(Would homemade cookies overshadow the sushi buffet? Sadly, yes. Sushi just wasn’t meant to sit on a slab for an hour or two drying out. Shoulda known better!)

If I want to reward myself it should be more like a carrot at the end of a stick, something decided on ahead of time, a goal to work towards. It also doesn’t need to cost a pretty penny to be motivating.  Rewards should be used as impetus for effort. Randomly squandering my earnings when payday comes is foolish and generally anticlimactic.

The more action I shove into a weekend the less punch each experience packs. We get desensitized to special food and the glory of high-end recreation. And once the flood gates of haphazard spending open it is hard to shut them. The worst thing is that I’m teaching my kids that spending this way is normal.

The sense of entitlement I feel is misplaced and detrimental as I focus on the wrong rewards.  True rewards of working hard are that we have food at all, a warm and safe place to sleep, and the chance to use our money as a tool to do things we really desire. What do I want more than 5 types of ice cream? To travel. To do needed repairs on my house.  To invest in hobbies and things that recharge my energy or provide a learning opportunity.

Most of all I want to have more time and less mandatory work. So the carrot I should be dangling is TIME–which I get with less spending, so the reward actually works in reverse. The reward is to not spend. Modeling this behavior and teaching young kids this is challenging. Pavlov’s dog would’ve also had a hard time wrapping his mind around it, especially if bacon was there to confuse him!